Dear My Self

When I said "I need take a break," I never mean it that it would be more than a week.
I realized,
I never take a real break in my life after he gone.
I've told you it's drive me crazy, really.
And I dunno how to handle except do a lot of things without a long break.
Then,
when I got a long..long break like nowday,
I always tell to my self that I'm okay.
That I'm fine.
But why I still curled my body in the dark, played the sad song, then fight against my anxiety?
I'm not telling my self that I'm not getting better than 11 years ago,
but I don't want to deny that I'm not recover 100% yet.
I know,
I know it hurt my self.
I know it hurt my body.
It killing me a lot,
mentaly,
physicaly.
And it was exhausting, for sure.
But trust me,
I fight 'em for half of my life.
I'll try.
And I keep tryin'

Dear my self,
Would you still fight for your self no matter what?
You know everyone deserve to be happy,
So you do.

Denial

 

Denial. 

She hate denial.

But sometimes she did it.
She did it to protect herself. 

Bcs it's the only way to survive.
She love being loved, but she afraid to fallin' in love.
She hate losing someone who she loved.

Bcs she is dumb in controlling pain.