-Nigel Cole-
Yeah, then right after I read those quote, suddenly I wanna
back on my childhood…
Oh anyway, hi! My name is Aini. I’m 22 years old right now. I just
graduated from my collage life last month. And now, I currently working in one
of Company in my country, Indonesia as marketing staff. The fun fact
was, I graduated as Bachelor of Education and (supposed to be) a teacher. Yes,
(it supposed to be). That the main reason of my Mama why she choose those major
for me 4 years ago. Because she want me to work in Education field as my Papa
did. But unfortunately, I have my own dreams. I used to dream to get Bachelor
of Communication. Because I do really love public speaking and I interest in
Marketing stuff. Even God finally guided me on History Education instead of
Communication Sciences, but today here I am, working as Marketing staff.
After I struggling on my 4 years and finally got what I’ve
been dreaming of, I should be happy and proud, shouldn’t I?But here I am,
walking with anxiety and feel being lost. I used to know who I am, who I wanna
be, what I wanna do and where I gonna go. But then, suddenly there were hundred
random thoughts on my mind and it kill me for sure.
“Is it good enough for me? Am I good enough for this job?
Should I leave? Or should I stay? Should I try to be patient? Or should I give
up from this way? Is it all what I want? Or is this all what I need? Am I happy
enough for all of this? Am I the one who feel uneasy? Or am I just didn’t find a
good place yet?”
All those questions pop up on my mind every day. Meanwhile,
I couldn’t find anyone to find the answer. Why? Because everyone is struggling
with their own life and because I’m the one who know the best answer of all
those questions. Usually, I write down all of my insecurities on my note or
blog. But lately it feel so difficult. Whenever I take my pen and note to
write, everything suddenly become vague. Then I tried to read several books to
find another way, but sadly, all those insecurities still staying on my mind
and pop up in the morning with the same questions.But today, I found a magic
note from a book that I’ve read some hours ago. The title was “Dear Tomorrow”
by Maudy Ayunda. It wrote:
“Your self may not be something that you can find it may
not exist. It is a combination of what you do, what you stand for, and who you
want to be. In other words, your self is for you to define –not for you to
find. So instead for looking within, look outside and find yourself while you
learn more about the world. What characters attract you, what actions inspires
you. Once you have, strive to be just that.”
And as expected, I feel more calm after I read those quote.
Once again, book saved me. It help me to find the right answer. Even for the
super random question of life. Is it interesting, isn't?
So dear my friends who feel the same feeling like me,
Listen, you are not alone. If peoples around you couldn't
answer your random thought, just start to read several books and try to have a good
journey with your deep heart.
And dear my self...
Could you just enjoy your life just the way it is?
You just need to do as the best you can and see where God would guide you.
Yogyakarta, 3 September 2018
