Well, two month ago, I've joined a Writing Telling Contest in Java-Bali. And it's my first experience about writing contest especially in English language. It's so difficult for me to make a beautiful word or in Indonesia you can call it "DIKSI". Well, I'm not good enough about grammar. So, when I've got this information, I was negative thinking :D. But, however, I am so exited about "telling contest". Couse it's not my first telling contest. So, finally I decide to join this contest, and I should send a big thanks to God who gave me chance to be the third winner :*
Do you want to read my story?
Well, here we go.....
Note : sorry for my grammar, so many mistake in this text ^.^v
“Imagination in the Drizzle”
By: Aini Syarifah
I do not understand, why God created morning if after
that will change tonight. Why did God create happiness if one day it will turn into
sadness. Why did God create a meeting if
next time it will lead to separation. And why did God create a life if it will
end in death...
I'm not smart enough to understand a philosophy of life.
I think this is too complicated. Too complex, too difficult to be drawn the
timeline. Or maybe, I was too far away to choose this question, too far away to
thinking this point, too far away to pick a topic like this...
I did not know what
pushed me to be able to stand on the point of this thought. That I'm aware, I
was raging with my mind. I'm crazy, I'm like a crazy girl. Because of this,
because this mind. I fought with it, with my stupid questions. I was tormented
by it, and I want to end it. But stupidly, I do not know, what should I do...
*****
Prolog:
Actually, I do not like waiting. Really do not like. For
me, waiting is the most boring thing. Why not? While waiting, you just can
silent to follow the second, sweeping views without stopping, and if the
journey of seconds had begun running too long, you will begin to say a series
of words without meaning. The timeline, waiting just make T-I-R-E-D. Right?
Like today, this morning. I do not know how many times I
looked at the street from the window of the bus that open in half. But still,
the wheels of the bus and have yet to enter the Western of Ring Road. In fact,
fifteen minutes again, Mid Term Test in my Senior High School will begin. I did
not know anymore, what should be done to eliminate my panic. Until finally, I
decided to read my notebook that has been I hugged. I opened it, a clearly
written text has printed on the ninth page.
Telling Story
Writing Contest 2012
My Life My Inspiration
Deadline 9th of March 2012
Let's do fast!
Spirit J
I smiled a little, then close my notebook slowly . My
imagination began to spin. Spinning and continue spinning until finally
stopping at one point. The point where my inspiration rooted in my life ...
*****
The sky was still stop in the night. I think the dawn is
still reluctant to dawn. It was still asleep. In the corner, I curled my body.
I was frightened, my eyes did not want to close. My hands kept freezing while
my imagination kept constantly running. I am like addicts who are high, people
who run out of oxygen, or fish that lack of water. I began to wrestle with my
thought. Trying to negotiate the situation. But nil. A peace was still
reluctant to reach.
A few seconds later, I found the answer. I sobbed. But do
not know, do not understand, and do not want to understand what the reason. Hahaha.
How stupid I am ! Crying in such a way, but I do not know what the reason that
made me cry.
No, actually I knew. It's just that I do not pretend to
know. Yes, I knew, that everything was different now..
I can feel the drizzle came down clearly in tune. And then turned into raining. I was still curled up,
clutching my knees. Millions of questions was filled my head. Continues to grow
and rooted in my brain nerves. I do not know, what should I do now. Do I have
to keep crying? Should silent? Or follow him to die? I do not know, I really do
not know. I was like a compass without needle, the clock without ticking, or
pen without ink. I really lost my way. So, what should I do?
I never thought, how could that disease crippling my Papa.
Even before I had time to think about the effects of the disease, my lobe of pariental was not able to digest
properly what is the meaning of the word of ‘disease’. Something that I always
thinking, that my Papa will get well soon. But it was wrong, my Papa was lost. He
has given up ..
I do not know what to give a reaction at that
time, when my Mama mentioned the word of colorectal cancer. Even before I understood what is colorectal cancer, my implus forced to distribute word
of polyp adonema to the receptor. But unfortunately,
before the receptor was able to work, my sensory
nerves are reluctant to grapple with word
of chemotherapy.
For me, those words were not only able to damage
the function of the nerves
of my brain, but they kill brutally my Papa’s pulse. Kill, yes kill. That disease is killer. That disease has made
him DEAD !
DEAD ? My Papa has DIED ? No, I don’t think so. He just
fell asleep, and soon he will wake up. Yeah, I guess. I should not be here.
Where is my Papa? I should have to be looking for him.
My cornea has seen. A figure girl who use a black dress.
She walk to me, and smiled sweetly, looking straight towards me. I smiled
softly.
"Where is my Papa?" She silent. And then held
me. I could feel the warmth of her arms clearly meets all my fragile body. Drizzle
are go down ..
"He's gone ..."
The drizzle are now changed into rain. She held me strong.
Held me so tightly. I could feel her fingers gently stroking my hair strands.
She said quietly,
"I knew, please calm down .. Everything will be
okay, I’m with you, believe me"
(In
memory 17th of November 2005 at 02.47 am)
*****
Drizzle are back down. Middle of the night, raining was made
me wet. I dropped again, hurt, collapsed. More pain this time. Pain of any kind.
I'm fragile, unable to stand, unable to think. Actually, what is the meaning of
a life?
A death was greeted me again. Control the color of my
life again. That figure, that figure who dressed in black dress with a sweet smile
.. She is gone, went with my Papa, gone and will not come back ..
Aedes Aegypte it was malignant disease. It was molt
out of my best friend’s platelets. Crippling, and kill her. I'm crazy, now I'm
really crazy. Well, how can I be okay? If a person who makes me fine has
disappeared. Whom should I trust now? If a person who be able to convince me to
believe her has gone. Rainbow in my life has faded. Replaced with black color
around the corner. Death. A death has been printed ink on the box of my life. The
death has painted two dot side by side, with a silhouette of a 180-degree arc
under it. Now, my life is completely different. Everything was different , my
rainbow has faded ...
Why? Why should so soon? Why do I have to live it all?
Why must they die? Now, what should I do? Return to cry? Continued to cry? Or
stop crying? Hahaha, crazy. I was really crazy. That questions were
driving me crazy!
(In memory 26th of December 2005 at 7:30 pm)
*****
The brown calendar was slightly colored, there is a small circle around the number 17 in November. I smiled a little, then move on to look a picture that decorated with a man who smiling in the middle of his two best friends. I touched it, last year everything was perfect ...
I realized that half of my life carried away by him. Since his gone, I became a little numb. I do not meet again with a peace in my time. I move on to look another picture. A perfect family was there. My heart is trembling slightly. I realize, that now, my family has completely different. Perfection has completely away. The warmth has completely frozen. Fate has changed everything ..
I tried to move, move into my bedroom. A photograph of a pretty girl with yellow dress immediately greeted me. She smiled pretty, and I responded. Now, half of the rest of my life absorbed by her. And I'm getting numb. They all take over the functions of consciousness, suggesting hard all my thoughts, and manipulate the entire system a total of my motion. Without realizing it, drizzle it back down. All kinds of memory on rotating them back. Spinning and continue spinning in my brain. Trying to poison the nerves consciousness. I returned collapse.
Recording in my mind kept going. Asked me to run in
artificiality. I met a memory piece by piece of my past in it. Was illustrated
neatly in every scene. I met perfection, all of perfection in my life. Wheel in
my family was at the center of a 90 degree angle at that time, and I met each
of laughter around it, warmth and even peace. I met a happiness in every eyes
of my family. And that memory was kept me smiling. Today I met the other
pieces. Pieces that are being stopped at the part when my best friend laugh.
She take my hand, take me spinning, dancing and even singing. She is like an
energy that distribute
a happiness in my veins, and made me fly with her. She
made me smiled again. Wheels continue to
spin my record, now it is stagnant at the point that cloudy. I did not met a laugh
at there, just a sadness that look. There is no discussion within the meaning
of my life. Only the frontal screams that I've met in my mind. I fell down.
Memory at an angle of 270 degrees is making me numb. They returned cripple robustness of my wall. I returned
collapse.
"Are
you okay?"
Her call does not mean anything for me. I
was silent, letting it consuming
my consciousness system. I
do not want to care.
"Dear, are you okay?" She asked me. Now, her voice to be a little higher. There is a slight vibration that is contained in her intonation. But still, I
do not want to care.
Slowly I could feel her
hug me. Closely, so
closely. Until I can feel with
clearly a great shocks
in her body. I
remained frozen.
I
could feel it
clearly, that drizzle back down. Fall with
the grains of the bitterness of life, drizzle was falling continuously.
For
the first time, I could feel clearly the
fragility of my Mama. She was crying, crying
so hard. She hugged
me, tried to tear my fragility
walls. It made me destroyed.
"Say something, say something whatever it
is. Do not to be like this .. "
She said softly. I'm getting crushed by it,
but I still reluctant to
move. I do not
want to care.
"Do you want to
talk to Mama, dear?" She tried to look into my eyes, and I did not wave back.
"Do
you know?"
She held me back.
Her voice are quivering. "Mom in pain .."
My lips are still stagnant. There is no
reaction that I want to show.
"I'm sorry, sorry I made
you like this. Sorry for has changed all
your happiness, has forced you to enter the
circle of life like
this. "
"I'm fine." This
time I tried to speak, and that too has
turned into a drizzle of rain. She sobbed, and
I was silent.
She still held me,
held me so tightly. And I made her
shortness. She kept
her voice steady waves,
tried to get me to explore her heart box.
She kept steady
fire energy in my
veins, burn it, then turn it off.
For the first time, she allowed me to share her
war in her heart. I'm getting torn,
it made me weak. I
realized, that she would hurt
me. I met prisoners
hole in her body,
so wide open, with no fewer bidders. I realized, that there is
one thing which I have forgotten over the years. There's someone who waiting
for me. Waiting to return,
to neutralize the hole of her prisoners. And
stupidly, I only
realized after the prisoners
had been creeping up the pores of her
veins. No, no. I
should to stop it.
Slowly I tried to hug
her. Trying to warm her walls who
frozen. I smiled a little,
in the middle of drizzle
I met a sounds drifted softly from my lips.
"Am I too late to get up now?"
(In Memory, one day in 2006)
*****
Epilogue:
Wheels the bus stopped
in front of the building that painted brown. I
smiled a little and closed my life box that I have touched for a long time.
I tried to down
with hugged my notebook. I opened the pages slowly. And tried
to stop on the ninth page. I
returned to smile, then look up the
sky. I release, that there is something wrong in my
past, that death does
not destroy my function of consciousness,
but put growing function
of my imagination
